He just made a Star Trek reference while discussing the use of Pirates or ninjas to aid my polar bear and I in the kidnap some of the greatest minds of the last hundred years to build a portal gun using anti-matter. :D You are my favorite person. Ever.
So you made weight today. All you have left to do before you sign up is fill out your D.O.D. paperwork, and then it’s off to Des Moines to get checked out by their doctors. Then after that you will get the date that you ship out to basic training. I am so unbelievably proud of you. You are so excited and I couldn’t be happier for you except for every step closer you get to leaving my heart breaks a little more. I love you. I love that you want to share all of this with me. When you refer to the future you think of me in it, and I can’t wait for all that to start. I know that in order for any of that to happen we have to get through this first, but the thought of you leaving and being that far away when I can only reach you by letter is damn near unbearable. I am sitting here in tears feeling a sickening mixture of heartbreak, guilt, love, and pride. The heartbreak of your leaving, the guilt over feeling heartbroken when you are so happy, the love from the fact that you are doing something that makes you so happy, and the pride from seeing you accomplish a goal that will get you to where you want to go in life. The hardest part is that you are the one single person who can make me feel better, even if momentarily, and I feel like if I told you all this now, I would ruin it for you. You never fail to put me first. Even when I don’t need you too. You take care of me, like I want to take care of you. So if I told you all of this now, I know that you would stop feeling happy, you would stop feeling as though you accomplished something important, and you would focus on how I feel instead. I can’t do that to you. Not tonight. Every time I think of you leaving though, I panic. I am terrified that you will get deployed and your ship will sink or get blown up, or terrorists. All irrational, I know, or that you will fall out of love with me. That you will meet someone in the navy, someone skinnier or prettier. Someone more accessible. I know how all this works. It hasn’t been sugar coated by a recruiter for me. It could easily be more than three months before we get to see each other again. And Babe, I am gonna love you till the wheels fall off. That is easy enough to see, but I can’t read minds. I don’t know that in nine months you will feel the same. It’s not huge fear but it’s there and it is the one that terrifies me the most. It’s the one that is the most rational. I know I can tell you anything, but how am I supposed to tell you that I am afraid that you will fall out of love with me. How am I supposed to tell you I’m afraid at all? For as much as I can tell you about who I really am, and despite you being my best friend, I still have walls. There are still things that I am afraid to share with anyone. And what am I supposed to do when you are gone? I will have my closest friends of course, but thus far you are the only one who can keep me from talking myself and my problems in circles. Without you, I am a wreck. That was more than evident the year we didn’t talk. What are we supposed to do about Valentines Day? You won’t be here. Do we celebrate early, or do we ignore it? I am trying so hard to remain positive about all of this, but it’s so hard. Strangely the one person who can give me any comfort, knowing how I feel, is my sister. She has made the point that I need to tell you all of this, because you should know and you will know what to say to make me feel better. However I decided to let you have tonight. You deserve a night of unmarred victory. Which makes me feel all the more guilty for feeling the way I do, but I’ll live. I love you, but I am terrified and I wish I knew if you were too.
That’s ridiculous! Counselor Troi wasn’t a virgin.
I want one!
i will forever reblog